The Big Not Getting It

Two important e-reads have passed my desk in the last few days, and since I have a professional obligation to report on both of them, I'd like just one minute to vent. The first is "The Continuity of Discontinuity", a new study put out by Steven Cohen and Ari Kelman on "new Jewish initiatives", and the second is The Hadassah-Brandeis Institute's most recent e-zine, with the clever title "Is Judaism a Girl Thing?" (playing off Rosh Hodesh: It's a Girl Thing!).

"Continuity of Discontinuity" is a long read, but I thought it was important to slog through: generally I find my position best summed up as Professional Young Person. (It's a step up from the Professional Jew niche I occupied during college.) In summation, it seeks to assuage older Jews who might read it (although its graphics, to my eye, were pitched to a young audience) that young Jews haven't, in fact, dropped out of the J-world; we just use radically different to engage with one another and with our culture. (And, yes, culture is an appropriate word there, because most of the conversation stayed away from religion, although I see an easy correlation between what were identified as cultural markers--an inherent dislike of hierarchy, lateral community building, etc.--in many of the religious innovations I personally use.) Surprise, surprise, we find the exclusivity of our elders repugnant; we find heteronormative, nuclear-family-oriented, non-progressive programming stifling and we like the internet. Whoa!

I know I'm being facetious and not very patient here, but I'm not only tired of feeling like the monkey in the observation tank, but I can't believe it both took the community so long to care about this stuff and that this is heralded as such news. It's good, it's great, even, that this may make its way into the hands of those responsible for the "Young Jews Just Don't Care" propaganda and assuage some of their loudly-held doomsday proclamations. God knows it just confirms everything I could have told these researchers. I guess that's what bugs me--I can't believe it takes a team of sociologists to uncover this. Just ask us! When Hillel published its report on Millenials (which, by the way, said many of the same things--was no one listening?), my Hillel director just snorted and said, yeah, we kind of knew that already. Which may be why she remains a very good friend--when she wants to know what I'm thinking, she asks! When my bosses want to know about new technology, or how do I use blogs, or where can information be found, or do I think young Jews are disengaged from x and for what possible reasons--they ask! They group they surveyed is exceptionally bright, no doubt (I've had the chance to chat with Aaron Bisman at parties, and he really is awesome), but they could have picked any four of the hundreds and maybe thousands of articulate, hard-working folks out there. I'm not mad they didn't ask other people--I'm mad that nobody seems to consider that a course of action. We've not yet turned into a movement that swears off the establishment entirely (and, thanks to said internet, we probably won't ever cohere that way)--so take the opportunity to ask us us, Establishment.

As for Judaism being a "girl thing" (and despite the "clever" title, isn't that a sweetly patronising way of putting the question?), I can't emphasize enough how sick I am of even the little simmering undercurrents of this conversation that I seem to keep have over and over. I know I should be more empathetic, and I do strongly believe that it's time to start actively working to include men--and boys--in Jewish life more consciously. But the kvetching really has to stop, and I mean now. I find the whole "the Reform Movement isn't comfortable with male spaces, and so boys are dropping out, because the woman-smell is overpowering" to be the biggest load of bullshit. This is how the Men's Movement's gonna work? Because then we really need to address gender stereotypes of exactly who are the snivelling whiners of the bunch. If, after 5,000+ years of patriarchy and misogeny, women can force themselves into the scene and demand to be taken seriously while overhauling the system to find themselves inside it, surely men, after 30 or so years of menacing Debbie Friedman songs, can say, hey, we really need to do our own spiritual-finding work, because the Women's Movement has shown us that the tradition really can be at least a little flexible and still full of meaning, and we were a little embarrassed to say this, but it hasn't been working for us either. But the blame-the-woman thing--and believe me, that's what it is--is disgusting. I'm disgusted. What a cop-out on the part of a population that should be thanking J Fems for trailblazing. I support curricular change and inclusion work and I support men's individual and even group efforts to locate themselves within Jewish culture and religion, but the moment you say "women took over" is the moment you lose the whole of my respect, and you can take that shit to the bank.

The morals of our story? Talk to young Jews and stop blaming women. Doesn't it feel like maybe we've been here before?

Update/Post-Script
Apparently, the head of the Reform Movement, Rabbi Eric Yoffie, had some pretty choice comments about how dealing with CUFI & co. (Christians United For Israel) is Bad For The Jews. Although I said some unpleasant things about him when he got a little simpery over Jerry Falwell's death, it seems I spoke too soon: he comes off strongly against co-operation with Christian Zionists and grounds his arguments, here, at least, in the fact that young Jews will (and do--hey there!) find such cooperation repugnant, alienating and traitorous to our own Jewish values. He said:

"[Young Jewish adults] respond negatively to those who disparage other religious traditions and who make exclusivist religious claims. They are insistently centrist in their political views on the Middle East. And they are suspicious of a Jewish establishment that they see as too focused on money and insufficiently focused on values.

And so whom do we offer to these young people as a spokesman for Israel? John Hagee, who is contemptuous of Muslims, dismissive of gays, possesses a triumphalist theology and opposes a two-state solution to the Arab-Israeli conflict. If our intention was to distance our young adults from the Jewish state, we could not have made a better choice."

Sounds kinda familiar. So good on you, Rav Yoffie. Where's everybody else?